April 28, 2008
Boundaries can be tough. Sometimes they are clearly marked, painted yellow, like the line across the train platform that reminds commuters to “mind the gap.”
Other times they are not so well-defined. For kids like my son, knowing when to draw the line, under what circumstances certain words or behaviors are okay, and under what circumstances they are not, can be extremely tricky.
In recent weeks, we’ve been using a word around the house and with each other as a term of endearment or to convey happiness or coolness or silliness. The word is baby. As in, don’t worry, baby. Or, okay baby. Or even, yeah, baaabbbbyyy. And in all this time, it never once occurred to me that baby could be bad.
Today, my son got in a bit of trouble for calling one of the girls in his class a baby. Thing is, I don’t think he called her a baby. I think he called her baby. As in, okay, baby, let’s take out those math books.
Regardless, it came across as name-calling. Either he couldn’t articulate the context or no one asked. He had to apologize. It wasn’t that big of a deal and he wasn’t even that upset about it, but it made me stop and think.
Some things are easy to teach. Others, not so much.
April 28, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Ooh, I hear you. As a very casual ( I like to think “cool”
mom, I’m sure there were times my sons picked up my “diction” (cool, babe, honey, etc.) I know that things I said (and they mimicked) could have been misconstrued as impolite or disrespectful when that wasn’t what was intended at all.
April 29, 2008 at 6:32 am
I am totally laughing here! Only because he wasn’t upset and this line, “As in, okay, baby, let’s take out those math books.” Too funny.
You never know how something might get twisted around unintentionally!
April 29, 2008 at 8:28 am
Oh, yes, this is a really good reminder that our kids pick up on way more than we could imagine. Glad it wasn’t a traumatic incident. But, you know…maybe if he had wagged an eyebrow as he said it…??
April 29, 2008 at 12:28 pm
in trying to get our 4 year old to stop saying “f***in’ had it” we tried to get him to say “oh muddy waters” instead when he’s frustrated. it worked for a brief time, but when he saw it didn’t get a rise out of anyone, he returned to “f***in’ had it”…..
April 29, 2008 at 1:18 pm
This is so true, Kristen, and it’s one of the hardest things to teach. I think it’s a lesson we all learn again and again growing up (usually b/c we get in trouble or offend someone accidentally), but for kids who don’t naturally pick up on all the social nuances of language, it’s a daunting task - we can’t stop the “where/with whom” rules of each and every phrase.
April 29, 2008 at 1:18 pm
That was supposed to be, “we can’t stop AND TEACH the where/with whom rules…”!
April 29, 2008 at 3:35 pm
funnily enough, our son has been pretty good at picking up that certain things are ok at home and not at school, or ok with certain people and not others. maybe its an age thing - i think he may have been a bit older than your little fella when this sunk in…
April 29, 2008 at 9:02 pm
You are so right!